


Catullus' insults and where to shout them

by Basilico



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Sex, Ancient Rome, But I do have a twisted sense of humor, F/M, Fun, Gen, Heavy insults, I personally find it hilarious, Insults, M/M, Multi, Neoteric poems, Poetry, Rome - Freeform, Screaming, Swearing, Teasing, and now we have it for eternity, have I mentioned insults?, poem, still he's a bitch and wrote this stuff about them, they're mostly friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:21:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basilico/pseuds/Basilico
Summary: A bunch of very vulgar poems from this one Roman poet.They make me laugh so bad.And I am talking NFSW content.Whenever you're sad, remember that 2050 years ago there was a guy who threatened other men in his poems with elegant phrases such as:"I'll fuck you in the ass".
Relationships: Catullus/a lot of people
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I'm doing nothing but re-writing what I found on the internet in English language/ translate from my own language to English.
> 
> I want everyone to be able to laugh at this and have a nice day.
> 
> I don't own Catullus' libellus.

Since he was mostly known for his love/romance related verses, people tended to make fun of him, and say he was delicate and good for nothing.

**Libellus Carme 16 to Aurelius and Furius**

I’ll fuck you and bugger you, 

Aurelius the pathic, and sodomite Furius, 

who thought you knew me from my verses, 

since they’re erotic, not modest enough. 

It suits the poet himself to be dutifully chaste, 

his verses not necessarily so at all:

which, in short then, have wit and good taste

even if they’re erotic, not modest enough,

and as for that can incite to lust,

I don’t speak to boys, but to hairy ones

who can’t move their stiff loins.

You, who read all these thousand kisses,

you think I’m less of a man?

I’ll fuck you, and I’ll bugger you.


	2. Greedy: to Aurelius

Libellus carme 21.

Aurelius, father of hungers,

you desire to fuck,

not just these, but whoever my friends

were, or are, or will be in future years.

not secretly: now at the same time as you joke

with one, you try clinging to him on every side.

In vain: now my insidious cock

will bugger you first.

And, if you’re filled, I’ll say nothing:

Now I’m grieving for him: you teach

my boy, mine, to hunger and thirst.

So lay off: while you’ve any shame,

or you will end up being buggered.


	3. Carme 37 the fuckers' tavern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The english version of this one was too censured for my taste.
> 
> brace yourselves 'cause this one...

You beasts, regulars of that filthy tavern

nine pillars along from Castor and Pollux' temple,

do you think you’re the only ones with cocks,

the only ones allowed to fuck

any pussy that presents to you, and consider the rest of us cuckolds?

Or, because a hundred or two of you sit in a row, you,

dullards, think that I wouldn't dare to put it in your mouth to you all two hundred?

Then know this: I'll write over the wall outside the tavern that you're all huge dickheads.

Because my girl, who’s left my arms,

whom I loved as no other girl’s ever been loved,

for whom so many great battles were fought,

is there. You all bang her on turns, as if you were honest and responsible men,

But in reality, and that's the atrocious bit,

You're a bunch of screw-up wankers, and street men-whores

:

you, above all, one of the hairy ones,

rabbit-faced offspring of Spain,

Egnatius. Whom a shadowy beard improves,

and teeth scrubbed with Iberian piss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they used LOVE.
> 
> HA!
> 
> I understand wanting to create a product for everyone, but if it says bang
> 
> it's bang.


	4. Chapter 4

I did not (may the gods love me) think it mattered,

whether I might be smelling Aemilius’s mouth or arse.

The one’s no cleaner, the other’s no dirtier,

in fact his arse is both cleaner and nicer:

at least it has no teeth. Indeed, the other has

foot long teeth, gums like an old box-cart,

and jaws that usually gape like the open

cunt of a pissing mule on heat.

He fucks lots of those, and makes himself out

to be charming, and isn’t set to the mill with the ass?

Shouldn’t we think, of any girl touching him,

she’s capable of licking a foul hangman’s arse?

**Author's Note:**

> What a man.


End file.
